By Christina Hazelwood
Staff Writer

Ever run across folks who “yeah, but…” you? There are two kinds of ‘yeah, buts.’ One is the good kind, which means: “I agree, taking into account the following reservations.”
Then there’s the other kind of ‘yeah, but’ that means: “I heard what you said, but I’m now going to completely disregard it and replace it with what I am now about to say.” In other words, “your experience is irrelevant and invalid. I will now ignore what you said and all the facts and replace it with what I am about to say.”
There are many folks like this, people with closed ears and flapping mouths. It seems the more closed their ears, the more open their mouths. These folks hear nothing of what’s actually been or being said. It’s as if they have a personal garbling device that takes every sound or thought that comes from another person and changes it into something nonsensical or something they prefer you had said.
There are multiple purposes and intentions behind why people do this. Often it’s because the person does not want to accept responsibility. For example one might say, “You told me you want and need a job. You committed to contacting 50 employers a month, yet in the past three months have not sent out a single resume.”
The responder may say, “Yah, but I have been very busy. And I never said 50, I said five, and besides no one’s hiring anyway.”
Then there are people who have such victim mentalities that they turn everything they hear into them somehow being victimized. “The neighbor offered to have the next watch meeting at her house.”
“Yeah, but she’s just doing it to show off. I’ll wind up making all the food and preparations anyway. It will just be more work for me.”
Or, “You did a nice job cleaning the carpets.”
“Yeah, but you don’t appreciate a thing I do.” Huh? I scratch my head trying to figure out how a compliment just got thrown in my face.
Then there are the people who always have to be right. “You said there was a Republican majority in Congress during Reagan’s entire presidency, when in fact, there was a Democratic majority in 1981, 1987, 1988, and 1989.”
“Yeah, but I meant most of the time. And besides, they weren’t real Democrats anyway.”
Then there are the attention-seekers and levelers; folks who need to put you and your accomplishments down to elevate themselves.
“I raked the whole yard by myself.”
“Yeah, but there weren’t that many leaves this year.”
Or, “Judy sent me a thank you note for helping her when she was sick.”
“Yeah, but anybody would do that. Besides, you weren’t doing anything else anyway.”
If you make the mistake of trying to clue them in or point out the facts, they talk louder, talk over you, walk away or drown you out in so much garbled nonsense that communication becomes futile, leaving you dazed and confused.
It’s a technique that’s played over and over from individual and group interactions to corporate communications, media and politics. The guy who gets the floor is the one who screams the loudest, but has nothing of substance to say. The company that spends the most for attention-grabbing advertising moves the most product. The person who gets media attention is the one whose behavior is the most bizarre. The group with the most radical ideology captures the attention of the public, while the group that advocates diplomacy and kindness is dismissed.
Watch any television talk show or political roundtable and see the ‘yeah, buts’ fly around the room. Observe groups you participate in and count how many ‘yeah, buts’ are said and notice who the repeat offenders are. Hopefully it isn’t you.
Enter any arena of human interaction and make your own observations. Is it the good kind of ‘yeah, but’ or the bad kind being said? Is it the loud-mouthed dope getting your time and attention or the voice of reason? Even in our own selves, is it the quiet voice whispering our truth that we focus on or the ‘yeah, but’ mind chatter that sends us spinning? I know what you are going to say to my suggestion: “Yeah, but…”

Christina Hazelwood’s e-mail address is christina@foxvalleylabornews.com.